She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am available for nakedness
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
