Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
