I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
