dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dick very happy bro
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
