So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
