The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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