somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
