i was born a porn star she said
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
