I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
