everyone is single if you try hard enough
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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