I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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