As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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