Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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