now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
