Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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