Someone shit on the floor
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
