think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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