come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
