I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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