Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
