Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
