My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
