dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
