Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
