matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my shit smells like andre
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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