if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize