Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
