You made me cry and you don't even care
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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