I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
