i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
