I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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