so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
