We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
