did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
