Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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