Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
