My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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