Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
