You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
