wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
