think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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