All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
