Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
