Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
