Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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