SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
