I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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