He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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