Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
