3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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